It's the 69th day since we broke up.
i'm surprised at how fast time passed.
it's like it just happened yesterday.
and it feels like it's just the day before that we were cuddling lovingly.
I missed you so much baby.
too much that i've lost myself to time.
and i've lost my life.
it seems like there is no meaning to me anymore.
everyday i'll just go to work.
the same routine on and on.
whether or not to go out on with off day doesn't seemed to bother me.
everyday i've been missing you and thinking of you.
will you miss me?
will you have to urge to hug me tight again?
I really don't know anymore.
it's like i'm already numb.
my heart is no longer with me anymore.
i no longer feel myself.
someone once told me that maybe i'm sent down by god to help people.
but I'm not an angel..
i'm still human.
i still need someone to help me,
someone to give me the sense of security,
someone to care for me,
someone who will try to understand me and talk to me if they have doubts,
someone who never want to let me go,
someone whom i loved too..
and ofcox,
someone who will love me for who i am.
I'm really tired..
I don't know how long i can take this..
standing alone.
and facing all these alone.
mom is going back to thailand next year end for good.
and that means a divorce with my dad.
she asked me to take good care of my sisters for her.
but how am i going to do that when both of them are still so childish and lazy.
giving me attitude which i really feel like giving each of them one tight slap on the face.
telling them to bathe and wash their own dishes is like telling them to die..
i have to threaten them to get them on their heels.
seriously,
whether or not they bath is not doing me any good.
mom always tells me to look after them,
ask them to bathe and slp early and all.
asked me to remember to check all the things that has to be off or locked before going to slp.
even asked me to accompany my sister if they have homework and see if they needed any help.
but ofcox.
i have to be the last one to get to bed.
i'm really tired.
really.
when will she call me and ask how am i doing,
asked me to slp early and all.
sometimes i really wish not to be the eldest.
i really wish to be weak at times,
i also needed a shoulder to rely on.
but that shoulder is gone.
i only have myself.
maybe heartbreak and loneliness is only what i should have in this life.
i died.
9:52 PM
