today or is should say, yesterday is his birthday.
me and rose went over to clarke quay at about 2 plus going to 3,
to pass him the cake...
and the bear that i made..
at first when we reached there,
rose called him and ask him where he is,
and i heard that he was already at his workplace and he asked who rose is with,
rose said 'someone..'
and he said 'ok.. i know already'.
i was like..
somehow heart broken-ed...
maybe i thought too much..
but somehow..
my mind tels me that his reaction was...
sien... 'knew it was her..'
at that moment..
i thought..
i'll just let rose pass the things to him..
so this way,
he wont get to see me..
but who knows..
he and rose came looking for me..
i caught a glimpse of him..
panic..
so i act like i saw something..
and went running for it..
then i went to get ice-cream..
rose told me that he was shouting for when i ran..
but well.
maybe my mind was thinking of running away from him..
so i heard nothing..
then rose told me that he went back,
and also told him that i didn't want to see him.
then she gave me that look...
and ask me why i'm like running away..
i lied..
saying that i wanna get ice-cream..
she saw through me i think..
and when she told me that he came just to say thanks..
but because i ran away,
so he went back..
my heart ached.
i wonder how he would feel at that time..
so no matter how i really don't want to see him,
i still went...
though i fear that i would be back to square one..
i was at the door step,
looking in..
and when he looked up,
that moment i will never forget..
like..
'ei!~ blink blink'
to me...
the first thing that came to mind about his reaction is that:
his face brightens up when he saw me..
well.
i know its just my wishful thinkings..
that moment when i saw him..
i knew all my effort gone down in drain..
just because i don't want him to feel bad.
haix...
he came out..
and was like asking...
where i went..
and i said i went to buy ice-cream..
he was like..
'IS IT....'
maybe he knew..
did my face and actions betray me?
hmmm..
oh...
and he said..
'i thought u grow taller, but when i saw your heels.. i was like.. ok..'
i can't recall the exact thing he said.
but that was the meaning..
i was like..
erms....
yeah..
then i went to sit beside rose..
and he started talking to rose...
so i sit down quietly..
trying to look away.
i knew he looked at me a few times..
i can't help but to do the same too..
then daddy called...
phew~
so before he even finish smoking..
i stood up and hover rose that its time to leave.
i don't know how to explain that scene..
but it was..
awkward..
normally i would wait for him to finish his cig.
and watch him go back in..
but this time..
it was his turn to watch me as i go..
maybe this is really the time to say goodbye..
i wanted to badly to hug him just now.
haix...
i thought i've forgotten..
maybe its just like what chris said..
forgiven is not forgotten..
but for me..
running away is not forgotten..
and i can't believe that i still tear..
for him..
just can't get today off my mind..
i brought this upon myself...
at least he likes the cake..
and he appreciate the effort that i put in for the bear that looks like a rat.
i wonder what he's thinking all this while..
i died.
2:29 AM
