i've been able to pluck up the courage to post the previous posts for the last 3 days.
looking through her pics & your wall.
i think sooner or later your will be together.
so i guess i'll just give you my blessing.
i know i'll still love u that much.
but still.
i won't be caring for u directly.
maybe i'll still be keeping track.
but then..
i'll limit myself till 3 months.
i'll change myself.
inner and also my out look..
which means a fresh start for me.
and a new life..
i know chris and wafi will be proud of me.
haix.
been able to post all these..
cox i don't have the courage to do so.
i'm afraid..
that one day,
my weakness will be seen through.
everyday...
i'm like putting a strong front..
even joke around with my sisters and laugh out loud with them.
my heart aches.
but who can see it?
can he see it?
can he feel it?
i knew very well that he don't give a damn about how i felt.
saw his fb.
with that girl.
well..
she gorgeous..
have a nice body,
nice skin,
she fits him much much much more than i do.
somehow,
i got the feeling that they were together now.
as in being together,
not bgr kind of together.
and if i'm not wrong,
she's at his place too.
waiting for him to finish bathing,
then go out and have supper together.
browsing through her blog.
the first pic was the both of them wearing the same ear mufflers in his car.
they look like a couple though.
i don't deny that i felt really damn hurt.
i still forced myself to smile and laugh.
i became so emo..
even went to kbox during my break time alone,
sang and drank alone in a spacious room.
haven had any meals today.
my breakfast is simply a little of the durian cake from thailand & a glass of ice coffee;
my lunch is a small bottle of Heineken;
had 2 - 3 pieces of wedges for snack;
and had a bottle of breezer peach for dinner..
guess this few days i won't have my appetite bah.
he posted the song above in his fb,
and yeah.
i loved this song..
it reminds me of myself.
how close it is to my heart.
like she sang my heart out.
sorrow..
this song..
and even my favorite flower.
was named after sorrow.
this is just the word for me.
i died. 1:06 AM
this few weeks has almost been my happiest days..
although its so happening..
and i got a lot of shit.
but he wasn't that cold towards me anymore.
i thought we were getting along better.
at least your replies are so much better.
sometimes u even 'report' to me somehow when i just told u i missed u.
its like u know what i'll ask next..
and u'll tel me about your injury.
knowing that you didn't feel well after u are back from oversea till now,
i woke up in the morning on my off day.
and use plenty of effort to cook porridge,
and bring it over to your workplace.
i knew all those is just my one-sided love for you.
knowing that gratitude is all u have for me.
and simply a phrase of thanks for your porridge..
i'm contented somehow.
just wanna be by your side.
even as a 'calafare' ; 'spare tire' or 'guardian angel'
that was b4 u somehow made it clear.
in your status..
'forget me, forget it, forget everything'
i knew its for me.
i knew this time u really made it clear for me.
i felt like my heart got stabbed so deeply,
blood oozing out,
and then its gone..
tears that should be rolling down my face,
gone the other way round..
going down to my stomach.
like i cant cry anymore.
how sad i am...
i still have to put on a strong front.
i know i'll still love u..
but i'll not bother u anymore.
but still..
i'll watch out for u though.
i'll go for a make over.
get a new look and style.
become a woman that is sexy, seductive & secretive.
maybe,
i'll have someone else by then..
my heart really aches...
;(
i died. 1:06 AM
