its been so long...
3 months plus since i saw him..
went out with jac at about 3 plus.
and went to orchard first to see how my work place will be.
passed by a few shops and spent again.
but once in awhile..
its ok to be spending a little.
maybe its not a little.
but its worth it somehow.
saw yok san today.
and chat a little.
after orchard,
we took a cab down to clarke quay for dinner.
at Ricciotti..
the place where den and joe is doing their internship at.
me and jac was like walking around the whole clarke quay just to look for it.
and its no where to be seen.
i almost gave up.
but then again..
since i'm here.
so i asked around and called quite a few people.
but i finally asked joe instead.
as in messaged him.
and like FINALLY!!!
we found the place.
and i saw his back view again.
been so so so long...
i was delighted.
and we went in to eat.
i ordered lasagna and one of the panini's.
so coincident.
both done by denley.
i was like.
er..
should have ordered the pasta.
because it's done by him. =)
spent about 50 dollars there for a dinner.
expensive for only 2 dishes.
but its alright.
worth it too.
after the dinner,
we went to the riverside to have a stick.
and then he came out.
standing at a distance that my visions is blur when i don't have my specs on.
but i could make it out that it was him.
and then i looked away and talked to jac.
a few seconds later,
he called..
hahaha.
and i picked up.
he asked me ' 你没有看到我嚒？'
i was like...
in my heart, ' YES! YES! YES! I SAW U!!'
but i tried to act, and look around like i didn't see him..
its not exactly that i was acting that i didn't see him.
i knew it was him.
but the visions are blurred.
and i told him to wave at me.
but then he started to walk towards us.
and stop at a fair distance.
we talked a bit.
and then den came out.
and i was like smiling..
and walked towards him.
i was really embarrassed..
den keeps pointing at him and towing me towards him somehow.
but i was shy.
*blushing*
after awhile he went in.
and so did den.
so i stand outside of the window to wave him goodbye.
and so did he..
smiling the smile that i loved and waving me goodbye.
the funny thing is that his chef waved goodbye to me too.
so i waved back.
haha.
i could smile for the whole day.
now that i saw him.
it can last me for another 3 months or so..
he's still the same.
just that maybe he dyed his hair.
skin tone is a bit darker.
and he gained weight a little.
but better.
not so skinny like the last time i saw him.
i'm just happy to see him.
the only 2 regrets today,
first,
is that i did not really go up to him, give him a hug and say i miss him.
and the other most regretful thing that occurred today,
is that i was supposed to meet sis for dinner at 8..
at around 5 plus,
since i'm still in town and just reached,
i thought that maybe the 3 of us could have dinner together at his intern place.
it would be nice to have both my close friends to be eating together with me sitting on the same table.
but maybe i was wrong.
i can't have it both ways.
i can't really balance it.
maybe it is true that one cannot have anything in both ways.
its either this way,
or the other,
vice versa.
maybe i was too naive.
but i was right though..
happiness is not an option for me..
because unhappiness always comes in the way.
seeing through many things.
sometimes everything is fated.
and people come and go.
all i can do and i will do is to accept it.
maybe being hurt for too many times has let me grow more mature.
no matter what happens..
friends won't always be there.
neither will our bf / gf.
the only ones that will be there,
will be our family members.
and we have only ourselves to count on.
in this world,
no one really understands you clearly..
the only one is you yourself.
people you thought understands you,
is because they guessed..
not because they truly understands you.
i believed that.
i died.
12:15 AM
