i almost forgot how long it has been..
when i started to count the days that i'ved missed you.
its been about 2 months a week and a day.
i thought i would just meet someone new and just forget about you.
i thought i would just get over you when i didn't get to see you.
i thought things will just go back to where it started when we didn't contact.
but..
i missed you even more than ever.
everyday.
almost every second.
even after i changed my phone's wallpaper & tried to ignore your profile.
my heart still goes on..
for you.
had been dreaming about you for the past few weeks.
and then the dreams stopped bothering me for a while.
but out of a sudden..
i dreamt of you again the day before.
so real again.
i was somehow with my family.
and there..
you stood..
motionless..
looking at me..
& smiling the smile that i loved at me.
and then you walk towards me..
i wasn't really sure what my dream is about.
forgot most of it already.
but somehow.
i remembered that you were with me all along.
accompanying me.
to wherever i wanna go in your car.
i felt blessed.
that i felt love.
maybe a reason why i cant forget you.
is because there are your shadows around me.
or rather..
i thought someone i knew resembles you.
his pattern and all.
and the way he like to stand and tilt his butt to one side.
my lao pa....
haha.
it's almost the same..
his posture.
just that the way they talk and all is different.
but i could see his shadow on lao pa.
maybe it's because i thought too much..
that i started to hallucinate.
i was wondering..
will i ever see you again?!
will we talk and 'play' like how we used to be?!
or will we behave like strangers and get awkward all the way?!
or will you just ignore me and walk away?!
or rather..
you would just take it that i'm invisible.
how will i feel about you by then?
but one thing for sure..
i'ved loved you..
for as long as i could remember you.
i died. 2:27 AM
