A month and 3 days.
been crying a lot this few days.
first was because of that dream,
and 2nd was because i spoke to mom..
and know a lot of her past.
and it was really sad.
i didn't know that she had to go through all that.
marrying my dad was somehow a mistake.
didn't know that my dad was a bad husband.
but no doubt,
he was a good father to us.
and heard things about my family.
suddenly i realized how pathetic and cruel human nature can be.
they can be very good like they seemed to be now.
but u never know if they stabbed u.
and all they care for was themselves.
never spare a thought for others.
and even a helpless young child was not spared.
if i was able to remember..
kids will sure fight with each other for toys.
and a mom actually scold that kid till she was scared out of her wits and shivers and cry at a corner.
just because she was snatching the toys that was technically hers.
yes.
that girl is me.
i never thought that would happen in a family like mine.
but yeah.
sad to say.
how that had hurt my mom..
and hurt me.
if i had not have a strong wit.
i would have died in my mom's womb.
but i survived for like 3 days in her womb after her 'water' burst.
i should have died.
to save my mom so much unhappiness.
or i shouldn't have call her back when she left back then when i was only about 4 years old.
because of me..
that she is enduring and going through so much pain.
if she were to leave my dad for another guy that loves her and pampers her..
i'll wish her happiness.
and still love her.
that is what she deserved.
thinking about all that she have shared with me.
i cant help but to cry and cry.
haven had much mood.
and i kept cutting and poking my index finger.
=/
stupid..
but well.
working in the kitchen..
can't help much.
finally!
its break time tomorrow!
no work!
off!
ok..
haha.
i can sleep for as long as i can,
try to finish up my book,
go swimming or gym with jac,
maybe dye my hair,
do mask,
and relax!
haha.
woo~
happy.
but..
i missed him a lot.
when will i be able to meet him?!
to see him again?!
haix.
or rather.
when will i fall for another guy?!
i really don't know.
i died.
1:18 AM
