its exactly a month already.
this month is really hard for me..
to be able to not see u for so long and only living on that picture of u and me,
and also your pictures.
its somehow the thing that keep me from going on everyday.
your smile makes me smile when I'm tired at work too.
its was really very happening today also somehow.
i slept at about 3am las night,
and i had this really strange dream.. a nightmare for me.
I dream that i was working like any other day,
and then i had this strange feeling.
like someone is embracing me,
feels like him..
but there was really no one..
so i just didn't care much about it.
and then i received a message,
from him..
at first i was really happy that i got his message.
and as i read on,
my heart was broken..
in the message,
he said something like..
he was just playing with me in the past,
and he did all that just to get me hooked.
but he regretted, that he didn't treat me better in the past,
and that he was sorry.
i was half joyful and half sad.
tears start to roll down a little.
but i got a sudden shocking news from my friend,
that he met and accident and passed away.
and it was true..
i started to cry uncontrollably..
then he messaged me again.
he said,
don't sad, don't cry. silly girl.
and i got a feeling that someone is embracing me once again.
and that second,
i knew it was him.
all along,
he was right beside me..
and i woke up crying like it was real..
it was about 6 plus going on 7.
i kept reminding myself that it was just a dream..
but i can't stop crying..
i was really worried.
that something might happen to him.
i messaged den..
but he didn't reply.
and i couldn't get to sleep either.
i just cry on and on.
and then i decided to call shaun and meet him.
and at the usual place,
i told him what happened,
and he said that if time is up, no one can stop it from happening.
and a tears surround my eyes,
but didn't drop.
i was really very worried.
and went to work with puffy eyes.
hope that no one realized it.
it was really happening today.
first baby came to see me and shaun.
and then follow on,
milk came with a friend to eat.
and the others i shall not say.
but i when i on my laptop and the first one that i see popping up on my screen,
is u..
my worries had lessen..
a lot.
i had the urge to talk to u.
but i didn't.
so long i know that u are still living safely and normal,
i'm already somehow contented.
love..
I really wish that u know how much i miss u and love u.
i don't ask for the same.
but just to stay by your side.
don't have to meet everyday,
don't have to keep talking on the phone and messaging each other.
just once a week,
and i'll be contented.
but still..
I know that it wouldn't happen.
i died.
11:42 PM
