24th day since i saw him,
been raining this few days.
i'm somehow worried that he might get caught in the rain and got a cold or something like that,
or is his 'backache' still bothering him.
heard that he found a place alrd.
and that he will be starting 2moro.
i was elated & glad.
happy that he found a place,
glad that he was with baka bro.
which means i have a bro there to help me keep a look out for him.
hmmm.
praying hard for him to my ancestors and at the temple do work as well.
haa!!!
was really glad that his problems are solved.
thinking through about what someone has said before.
about not understanding why i would still want to go for it,
even knowing that it is not going to bear any fruits,
and after all that I've done,
my hard work will not get paid off.
and then,
later suffer in silence..
but come to think about it.
this is who I am..
its always the same thing that happens.
I'll always love and give and seldom take,
because there is no return or rather.
be it in the past, present, or future.
of course i would choose to make him happy first.
the only thing that has change is my view towards everything and my behavior.
in the past,
i was naive,
thinking that if i make everyone's day,
they will make mine too.
i was too out going.
and at first,
everyone did like me,
and we were a happy lot,
and i somehow got my love then.
but happy times don't last,
even before it has even really started.
losing everything in just a minute.
and was logo-ed as the vixen.
my click of girlfriends and even my bestie hated me.
for snatching away their love.
but i did nothing really.
i hadn't made the choice for them to like me.
loneliness and deep thoughts washed through me.
something that i learned,
being a loner will be a good choice,
and yes,
it did.
I'm strong, independent, more observant, calm, quiet and emo.
and most of all,
mature in the mind.
been through so much,
having seen that history does repeat itself.
and been through too many miseries more than happiness,
that i realized how weak human nature is.
always doing things for their own good.
and not bothering that it might hurt the others.
and when they got hurt,
they will think that why is it them?
but have they ever think about it?
no..
its simply karma.
a cycle..
and often,
they don't treasure or cherish what they have and what they are given.
they always learn to love and know the importance of it when they lose.
but this..
is human.
thats how cruel it is.
in life..
there are too many things.
too much that i have to think about.
and now that I've loved u.
i believe that this feeling will not be gone so soon.
though its only a one-sided love.
but it has been going on for about 8 months if I'm not wrong.
and next month,
will be the ninth.
too often that i loved,
i regretted not talking to u more often,
regretted not spending the time with u around wisely.
but if i were to see u again,
will i be able to hold u close?
i doubt.
guess i'll be the same.
and then regret again.
but one thing for sure.
each time i saw u..
i loved u more.
maybe i am stupid.
to always be helping him without him knowing.
but its all that i can do.
haix..
i missed you.
somehow hated myself for not able to speak to you even online.
i died.
6:50 PM
