the moment i received mom's call,
i knew something bad will happen..
its only been 2 days since mom went over to take care of grandpa.
things happened so fast.
so fast that i didnt noe how to react.
the last time i saw him,
he was still able to walk and talk..
and loves to go to de hospital so much tat when he reached,
he was smiling smugly.
we all didnt know y he loved de hospital so much.
until now.
it was sense of security.
de secured-ness tat he is safe and sound dere..
i realized how little things tat i did for him.
yesterday,
i rmb talkin on the phone with u..
i didnt noe wat to say then.
all i said was to tel u to get well soon,
and tat i missed u.
tats all.
how could i..
im such a unfilial granddaughter.
i should hav talked to u more.
how i wish i could hear u sing tat song tat u used to sing to me when i was young.
but now..
i cant anymore..
u were struggling to reply to us yesterday.
u were waiting just to get to hear our voices for the last time.
y didnt i figured tat out earlier?
y didn't i just blabber more stuff to u?
y didn't my sixth sense work until u r really gone?
i knew it.
i knew it happened when my tears just roll down my cheeks
uncontrollably when i was walkin to sch.
i couldnt stop thinking nor stop my tears.
and i thought it was just me..
it was just me scaring myself.
everything is not as bad as i was thinking.
den audrey told me.
something she said made me realize.
realize that he didnt wan to fight anymore.
he was struggling to reply..
to say goodbye.
for the last time.
he decides that its time to meet my grandma.
that its time to go.
my cousin was struggling to tel me that just now on msn.
saying that his eyes were dead.
saying that he is 'date'.
y didnt i figure that out?
until dad called..
and break de news to us.
i wanted so much to fly over..
to send him off.
but i cant.
we cant.
school, hard to get an air ticket at this time in de month.
i hate this.
i hate myself.
i hate my life.
fucked up life.
nth goes smoothly for me.
NOTHING!
every1 i loved..
leave me 1 by 1..
im such a jinx.
every promise that i made can nv be fulfilled..
i should just meet them in de netherland.
im not fit to be here.
i died.
9:28 PM
