Wednesday, January 20, 2010
rite bitch. if u did come in and see.. well.. this is for u.. to an extent.. i apologise for lyin.. but im not givin in.. becox dere is a reason behind this.. as u noe.. ur attitude and all.. if i were to tel u tat im sick and tired.. and i really dun wanna get out of hse.. but well... u will dun care and just tel me to come out anw rite. and if i had said no, u will just keep whinin and whinin away.. tat is de reason y i lied.. becox i noe ur so called character.. and just to let u noe.. i wasn't really lyin.. its de fact tat i have work on tat day.. and i work in st regis hotel in orchard.. de place tat u guys visited was my internship place... and my internship has alrd ended like 2 weeks b4.. rite. u might ask me y i endure for so damn long den explode and not tellin u tat i exploded.. now i tel u y.. tat is becox i noe u too well.. even if i tel u.. wat is goin to change?! NTH.. if i tel u which part of u tat i dun like, will u change for me?! NO.. tat is y i just kept quiet. but u noe.. im really somehow disappointed in u.. u actually tel junjie to call and test me, even cal my hse. clearly shows tat u dont trust me. its not like tats de only place i worked in.. and this shows how much u noe abt me. i tel u.. i have several 'work place' b4.. charcoal, st regis hotel, swiss hotel and mandarin oriental hotel.. i bet u only noe tat i worked in charcoal. i noe u aint gonna apologise or change or just let it go and talk to me.. so... i'll just let it be until u talk to me like b4 and 4get abt all these.. if not den i think we'll just stay this way den.. i wouldnt say much.. im really tired. i noe u will say tat u hav jun jie will do.. i noe tat sisters to u.. cant be compared to ur bf.. so... ya.. im not tryin to say anything. but u noe.. u nv listen.. everytime i tel u abt my fuckin probs.. i tot i had u to listen to me and stay by me.. but u always give me ans tat make me feel tat u dun give a damn.. and u will skip to ur probs.. but i didnt say much. i still listen and cared for u. and everytime when we go out.. u will bring a guy or when we were supposed to do something tgt but in de end we didnt.. de only time when we go out and u didnt bring a guy is when we visited my godfather and tat day when i requested to go find junjie. u noe.. many a times.. i just wanted to spent quality time with u doin some girl stuff like doin DIY masks, paintin our toe nails or watch a drama tgt at ur place or my place.. but all tat only happened when we were much younger.. everything changed.. i wish we were back to when we were in pri sch. though u were bossy and all.. but tat was still de bitch tat i love.. u changed but u didnt noe.. i dun deny i changed too.. or maybe i just changed to a person tat is gettin more and more cold blooded.. and i feel very much alone.. but.. this is me.. i shant say much.
2day was a really really bad day.. things weren't so good.. early in de mornin.. i was like msgin audrey abt some1.. to audrey, yes... im sorry i lied. but to jiawen.. well.. u noe.. and so we started to talk abt de issue.. idk y.. but as it goes on.. i really feel.. tired.. somehow or rather.. i really dun feel like carin abt this stuff anymore.. i dun even feel like tokin to any1.. its like.. i wanted to be.. alone.. some ppl might call it emo.. idk.. so de day goes on.. and then.. KO was abt to end.. when chef adrian finished on de chapter, he tel us to get into our groups and submit de names of de members to him.. but unfortunately.. this 2 traitors amos and leonard got into other group and its just left with me, wafi and chris.. we could just stay this way but a grp needs a minimum of 5 ppl.. and so... chef adrian tel yifeng to join our grp.. at first we didn't object to de idea.. but den when yi feng noes tat wafi is de grp leader, he was like.. ''oh fuck.. i dun wanna be in this grp alrd!!''.. at tat moment.. i was abit upset abt it becox it was my good fren tat he had a prob with.. i noe wat he is tryin to get to.. he thinks tat wafi is a useless dump.. and so.. i tel him ''u noe.. u can always choose to leave and not join our group..'' my tone was normal.. its only tat i didnt smile.. den tel chef tat he doesnt wan to be in our grp.. since he had no grp and we dun hav enuf ppl.. so chef was like askin hin for 10 reasons y he shouldnt put yi feng in our grp.. at tat moment.. yifeng was like totally flare up.. idk y he flared.. but it was really foolish of him to do tat.. and den de arguement started.. and he actually dragged me in.. but well.. as de wise person.. i kept quiet.. i was abt to flare.. but i forced myself to stay calm despite of my fucked up mood. but anw.. de good thing was.. he wasnt in our grp.. in de end.. it was just de 3 of us.. and another thing tat made me pissed off is amos.. im really really fucked up.. he didnt wan to stay with us, its alright.. afterall, we've seen his true colours.. he only come to us when he needs us.. so.. wateva.. but den.. when wafi asked for de menu tat we did in de 2nd term.. he was like.. no.. de conv was like tat.. wafi - ''hey. since u were joinin de other grp, can we hav our menu back? we paid for it.'' den his ans was like ''no.. but i printed it.. '' so i was like.. wtf! all ou hard work was in it.. and wat amos did was.. nth.. all he did was to just print out de stuff and WE PAID FOR IT! i still can rmb tat time when we were out discussin de project, all he did was just to play his psp.. and leonard was no where to be seen.. really.. y r dere this kind of person in this world.. well.. i noe nth is perfect.. but thank god.. chris has de menu with her. so.. too bad. de only thing tat im happy of is to see his car passed by and see him walk into de sch.. its not even a min, but i was really.. happy?! this was de only thing tat kept me 4rm explodin and emo de whole day.. but it was also 1 of de reason tat made me felt sad. i wish i was dere to make him food and drinks everyday.. and sharin all his probs, even if i couldnt solve it but at least i was dere to lend im a listenin ear and a shoulder to rely on.. and talkin to lee choo was also a great time.. idk y.. but i liked to be with her.. and i liked to talk to her. i feel comfortable. well.. i think tats abt it.
i died.
10:17 PM
