A song tat might state my situation and feelins.. 'wrong becox of love' - im at fault becox i love u.

it felt like haven been slpin at all yesterday.. i was slpin but im almost consious.. i had this dream.. idk if tat dream was really a dream or it was just my imagination.. i dreamt tat i was at de MRT station, at de platform.. idk which station though.. deres alot of ppl waiting for train, den among all those ppl, i tot i saw him.. knowing tat he doesn't take trains, i tot i was just day dreamin.. funny huh?! day dreamin in a dream.. lol. but i was curious so i went closer to get a better look.. to my surprise, it was really him.. he was takin train.. as i was afraid tat he might saw me, so i hid behind some1 hu is like taller and bigger size than me and den peeped at him.. his train arrive & it was almost full of ppl, he got in and was standin rite at de door... i kept peepin at him until out of a sudden, some1 pushed me.. and i almost fall on my face, but i didn't just tripped a little. den i realised i was exposed.. no 1 was dere blockin me.. and i felt so embarassed and hopin tat he didnt see me. somehow or rather.. it felt as if de train's door took foreva to close.. i quickly get on my feet and peep a little to make sure tat he wasn't lookin.. but he was no where to be seen, he wasn't at de door anymore.. i tot to myself maybe he just squeezed in to de middle of de cabin, den de door closed.. i hieved a big sign of relieve.. relieved tat he didn't see me..den i turned around, wantin to walk over to de seat near by.. but when i turned around, i was shock and stunned.. he was standin rite infront of me and we were so near at de moment i turned tat i almost kissed him.. so.. he did saw me afterall... my heart startin racin very fast and somehow.. i was almost blushin.. we chatted a little while and board de train tgt.. we chatted for a while and it was den i realised tat i took de wrong train.. as usual.. i made de shocked sound and den say omg.. i took de wrong train... and stood up.. well. me.. lols. so i dropped off at de nxt station.. it looked like dhouby.. but i wasn't sure though. i turned around wantin to wave goodbye but he actually came out with me.. and den he asked me if i wanted to go on a date and tat he is willin to give it a try with me. i was... damn.. shock.. and happy.. i almost cried out of happiness. at first i tot he was jokin, den he said he wasn't.. i was speechless... i didn't noe wat to do or wat to say.. i kept quiet de whole day and we held hands. he didn't say anything too.. both of us wont hav to say anything.. just stay de way it is... and im almost at de top of de world. this might seemed childish or naive or wadeva. but it was... blissful.. de day ended so quickly.. just a flash and and it was time to part. de goodbye was hard to say.. and i didn't like to say tat.. so i just simply let go of his hand and look at him.. without sayin anything, just a smile and it seems like he knew wat i was thinkin.. he smiled back at me and i kissed him on de cheeks.. wat happened nxt i oso dunno. becox i woke up alrd. i wished tat i had stayed in tat dream foreva.. i dun hav to face anything or any1.. just him.. no problems.. but i noe.. it was my dream and my wishful thoughts. i knew very well tat it will nv happen in reality.. my mood was carried down even further when i listened to de thai songs tat i recently added.. it somehow expressed what was on my mind.. my feelins.. my situation.. i was somehow emo throughout de day.. i didn't felt like talkin.. i cant smile.. den it was end of IS, we changed up and headed back. on de way back, at de traffic light, they were just rite opposite to us. i didn't look up.. my heart told me to look up.. but my brain told me not to. i actually listened to my brain.. i had my hoody on and faced down as i walk. some1 pulled my hoody off; i put it back without any expression, some1 pushed me; i didn't fall but i jerked a little and kept on walkin.. but turned around to catch his back view.. we got further and further.. his back got further and further until i lost his sight. chris and wafi pulled me half way though. they were like scoldin me and tellin me to get over it. i noe wafi and chris was worried abt me.. they kept consolin me.. but i cant get anything in my mind. im really sorry for tat.. im just.. not really in de mood. and vincent as well. i noe tat u just wanted to cheer me up. i did really cheer up but i really appreciate tat. i noe im foolish, holdin on to some1 hu will nv be dere.. some1 tat all i see is his back facin me. but i couldn't walk away.. i just stood at de same spot had my hands up half way and almost waved goodbye. just like what i've drawn.. my 'inspiration'.. maybe it was just something tat i draw to express myself ba. wateva. and i must say.. if there is a book tat lists out fools.. me and audrey will be on de cover page, for wateva topic it is.. be it frenship or love.. we just hav to hug ourselves and cry without tears becox its all drained out.

i died.
11:30 PM